


Illusions

by Serena90



Series: Memories [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Chan, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Dark, M/M, Molestation, Non-Consensual Touching, Pedophilia, Psychological Trauma, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 19:38:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2480024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serena90/pseuds/Serena90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ron Weasley's thoughts on the night of the Quidditch Cup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illusions

The smile on his face felt plastic and simply wrong… but he seemed to be the only one who noticed. His supposedly best friend or his family had certainly not noticed. That wasn’t fair, he reproached himself. He was the one who was acting, he couldn’t complain because no one saw through it. Besides, what would he do if they did notice how fake his smile was?

He would have to lie. Well, he was already lying, because the smile on his face or the excitement at seeing the Quidditch Cup wasn’t all that real. Not that he didn’t want to see the Quidditch Cup, but he wasn’t as ecstatic as he was portraying. Anyway, if they realised he would have to lie. And it would be a different sort of lie.

Putting on a grin and talking fast and excitedly was different than straight out lying. His family did realise when he was straight out lying after all. His mother had always punished him. After hearing the whispered conversation in the kitchen he had thought of the whole grinning lie. To be honest, he hadn’t believed he would get away with it.

However, nobody had noticed. Somehow, even though he knew it was for the best, it made him feel small that no one would notice. It made him feel insignificant. It was a terrible feeling. He tried to excuse it to himself thinking that it wasn’t normal circumstances. After all, they had guests and it was the Quidditch Cup, of course everyone was distracted.

He wondered if Dumbledore had thought of what Pettigrew had done. He thought Dumbledore probably didn’t know, it would be weird if he hadn’t said anything. He was the Headmaster. He was Albus Dumbledore, defeater of Grindelwald and bane of Voldemort. And yet, Harry did live under the stairs until he got his Hogwarts letter. He had seen the bars on Harry’s room. It was impossible that Dumbledore didn’t know.

Although, he supposed it was different. Harry was neglected while he had been… He thought he’d rather have a family like Harry’s than have memories with Pettigrew. But that wasn’t fair because his family was nothing like Harry’s so he didn’t know how it felt to grow up like Harry.

It did hurt, though. That no one noticed. That it didn’t even occur to his friends that he might have a problem with finding out his _pet_ was a Death Eater. Even without the dreams… Surely, it was normal to be weirded out? He had changed in front of Scabbers and slept with Scabbers, it wasn’t that odd that he might have some trouble with it, right?

But they couldn’t talk about it because _Harry_ didn’t want to think about Sirius. However, Sirius was alive and writing to Harry! While Ron… well, maybe it was for the best that they didn’t talk about it. Ron didn’t know if he could keep quiet about the dreams.

He sighed and twisted in bed. He looked at Harry sleeping next to him. He seemed so… peaceful. Harry could sleep after the whole Voldemort trying to kill him, after the basilisk, after the Dementors, after being followed by a werewolf.

And Ron was struggling to get over some silly dreams. They could not be real. They were dreams, after all. He couldn’t be sure they were memories. It could all be fake. And even if they were real, he should get over it. Harry could get over hearing his mother being murdered every time he was near a Dementor. Ron should be capable of getting over some fuzzy dreams that he could barely remember.

He had forgotten once, how hard could it be to forget them again? Maybe he could use _obliviate_. His mind went to Lockhart in second year. He didn’t want to end up like that. The guy had already been an idiot, but after that? He had spent hours with the bumbling fool while Harry battled the basilisk and he could say that he definitely didn’t want to end up like that.

But what could he do? He didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to dream anymore. He wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted to be Ron Weasley again, he wanted to be that boy whose greatest trouble was checking for pranks from the twins.

He was a Gryffindor. He should be capable of getting over this. It shouldn’t be so hard. He didn’t even really remember anything. It was all fuzzy. So why was it so hard to forget? He needed to forget it. He didn’t want to remember it. He wanted it all gone.

With a start, he realised he was crying. He sighed and with the back of his hand cleaned his tears away. He was crying over nothing. Nothing had happened. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And even if something had happened he should be capable of getting over it. He was a Gryffindor, he was a Weasley, he was Harry Potter’s best friend!

He knew many people wondered how he ended up being Harry’s best friend. He wasn’t very impressive. He was only that Weasley! Not the Prefect or the Beaters or the girl. He was only the other Weasley. His only achievement was having a friend like Harry.

What did that say about him? Could he be more pathetic? He hadn’t done anything with his life and he would never do anything with it. His greatest achievement would always be “being Harry Potter’s best friend” no matter how much he tried.

He wasn’t even the clever friend like Hermione! His denominator was the ginger friend of Harry Potter. Nothing else, nothing more. That was all he was.

At least he wasn’t the Death Eater’s whore.

The thought chilled him and he turned away. He couldn’t believe he had thought that. They were just silly dreams and even if they weren’t… it hadn’t been willingly. But people like Malfoy wouldn’t see it that way. Merlin, he could almost imagine the taunts.

Suddenly, the happy cheers outside of the tent turned into screams. When Ron rushed outside with his family and friends, there was a glowing green Death Eater mark on the sky.


End file.
